“Oh my god. She is like SOOOO beautiful. How does she do it?”
One hears this quote just about every time they stand anywhere near the lovely Alex P.
With such rampant speculation and such a reclusive and mysterious subject, we knew the truth would not easily be brought to light. So we formed an investigative team of the best and the brightest the One five had to offer. They were like the NSA and the Bloodhound Gang all rolled into one. And after much sweat and tears, the shocking and dramatic truth yielded to their hand.
So, how does she do it?
With the aid and support of none other than the Devil. The truth was always right there hiding in plain sight and the evidence is beyond refute.
We were at a loss to explain her dark, ethereal beauty which went beyond the dark hair and even darker eyes. It’s as if she radiates darkness… like the Black Flame himself.
Then it came as a cascade of revelations, the pattern of behaviors that practically screams obeisance to the original bad boy. Consider the facts:
- The vial of human blood strung around her neck — the result of a bloodletting ritual between her and her beloved
- Tattoos of ancient symbols
- An almost religious devotion to wearing pure, untainted black
- Her tendency to stand in the shadows, eschewing the company of nonbelievers
- She works in a bar serving up sin by the glass, fueling the depravity of our dirty, dirty street
And then came the final nail in the coffin. We received a cryptic, nearly-anonymous email leading us straight to her her MySpace page — a page that exudes praise for his Dark Majesty complete with an inverted cross and a graven image of her Master.
And there you have it, folks. The beauty secret to end all beauty secrets. But a word of caution. Before you go tearing after your neighbor’s cat for ritual sacrifice, make sure you’ve polished up on your negotiating skills. Otherwise you may not get a sweet deal like Alex got.
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